maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Randomize
