your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
