I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
