So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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