a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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