just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
