Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
