I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
