You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
