First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
