i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
