I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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