Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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