One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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