I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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