doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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