So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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