wrigley field is MILF paradise
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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