Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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