she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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