Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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