So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
