I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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