apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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