Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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