Even the bartender felt bad for me
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
