Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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