you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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