I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
