Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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