I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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