i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
