I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
