I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
