My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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