and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
