is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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