So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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