My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I'm going to jail i love you
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Randomize
