I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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