I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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