So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
