I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
