I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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