if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
