I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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