I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
