You're so nebulous sometimes
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
