i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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