I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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