Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
