I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
