so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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