dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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