So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
