he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
